‘What’s your niche?’ is probably one of my least favorite questions when it comes to talking about my work as a coach. It’s been over a year since I launched Coach it Forward and still I am challenged regularly to identify my niche and summarise my ideal client in 1 or 2 lines.

Some have said it will emerge naturally, whilst others say I need to pick a group and focus on them. But this is where I get stuck because my work to date has included a broad range of clients and a broad range of reasons for seeking coaching. So another question was posed to me; ‘what’s the constant?’. I thought about this for what feels like months now and the only thing I could confidently land on was change. Every single one of my clients have experienced notable change by undertaking coaching with me, and in fact, almost all of them have come to me to address significant aspects of their lives too (relationships, career, and health to name a few).

Funnily, as I noticed this pattern, I could hear myself saying this one sentence that had come out time and time again when talking about my passion for coaching over the past year or two. I had kept saying “change is inevitable”. Upon further reflection I can see why I am so drawn to supporting people to navigate change and find their next chapter; because I myself have gone through so much change.

I experienced cultural change moving across the world as a child, I adapted to familial change as my parents separated and established lives separately, I experienced health challenges and now living with a chronic condition that has permanently changed my day-to-day, I have switched career goals due to chance and change, I have loved and been heartbroken and stood back up to find my feet again, I have supported organisational change and seen teams go from crumbling to catapulting success. Change is a multidimensional, highly personal and whether we like it or not, an inevitable part of life that somehow has the ability to make us struggle or thrive depending on how we approach it. Helping people or teams through change is as challenging as it is rewarding, and because of my own experiences navigating so many of life’s weird and wonderful curveballs, I suppose it feels natural to help people do the same. To get through the grey, confusing, and daunting times and reach their new normal with a sense of comfort and confidence.

As I continue reflecting on some of the key ingredients to navigating change, The Inner Game springs to mind (if you haven’t read them, a theory underpinning an insightful series of books by Timothy Gallwey). Whilst Gallwey’s work is primarily focused on enhancing performance there are synergies with change overall and the following are just some of the key take-aways I resonate with and bring to my clients;

• We have 2 games; the outer game (our external interactions) and the inner game (the game we play in the arena of our mind). Our inner games often informs the outer game and so, heightened awareness of your subtler internal thoughts and feelings can help guide you through change more intuitively and truthfully to yourself.

• Success comes from 3 sources; awareness, choice and trust; “awareness (knowing the present situation with clarity), choice (moving in a desired direction in the future), and trust (of one’s inner resources as the essential link). These three factors make for success in any field.” And I think the same goes for navigating change when I think about mine or my client’s experiences.

• Permission to fail is critical. What we hope to achieve and where we want to be will take some trial and error to find what works. Simply put, if you stand still trying to work out the perfect way to get from A to B you might be stood there a very long time.

• Success involves getting the clearest possible picture of your outcomes. Translated to navigating change, this means clarifying what change you want to achieve and what that will look and or feel like. By holding a clear end goal in mind, we often move closer to that end result through both conscious and subconscious thoughts and actions.

Training as a coach offers a range of methods, principles and tools to equip a coach, but the skill of a coach is to not just know them but apply them artfully to draw out the best from their client. It’s also important to recognise that a coach does not need to be an expert on the subject matter to be an effective one, and there appears to still be much confusion about where coaching stops and the mentoring starts.

So this is as niche as you’ll get me, Aska - The Change Coach. I will continue working with anyone of any age, background, gender, profession, you name it. If you’re going through a significant change and trying to find your feet in your next chapter, I’m here to help.

At least that’s where I stand for now because after all, change is inevitable.

10th of October was World Mental Health Day and although I’m always late to the party, I think it’s because mental health is always on my mind.

From my own experiences, my mental health has been most affected by the workplace and in particular because of people. My first year in the NHS, I remember loving every second of it no matter how hard it was. I was a 20yr old university student with no prior experience working in healthcare and there I was, the only Assistant Psychologist supporting the only Consultant Psychologist for a busy community addictions service in a fairly dodgy part of London. It was a whirlwind but one I welcomed with both arms and despite a few very tough moments, and working with a few clients that no amount of time can erase from my memory, I was very happy at work. The most bonkers part of it is that I wasn’t paid a penny to be there. I worked full time, voluntarily, for an entire year just to get my foot in the door. In contrast, I have been in jobs more recently that have been equally trying, yet paid more than I imagined I would achieve at that stage, and I was so unhappy.

So it makes you wonder what the difference is exactly. And the answer was very simple; it’s the people that make the difference. To this day, I refer to that first team I worked with as my NHS family. I knew I wasn’t alone in the hard times, I had people backing me 100%, and there was a genuine care between us that made the worst of times somehow bearable.

And so when I met with a client recently and work challenges came up, out came these very words; “you can stay in rubbish jobs because of great people. But many will leave great jobs because of rubbish people.” The penny dropped.

To date, every unplanned exit from a job of mine has been because of a person or people making my job miserable. No matter how much I loved a job or felt I could really have a career in that particular specialty, if someone (and particularly managers) made it unmanageable, I felt I had no other choice than to walk away.

Luckily, I’ve always been able to find a way forward and progress but I know this isn’t the case for everyone. Many can feel stuck, afraid to leave the known for the unknown, or simply haven’t been empowered or equipped to take hold of the future they want.

If this is resonating then here are some of the things that help me:

• Reflect - are there grounds for the way you are being treated and is there anything you can do to improve the situation?

• Set timelines - how long it goes on before you try and address it, and how long before you need to leave (it’s not worth putting your health or wellbeing at serious risk for a job)

• Get clued up - know your rights as an employee, review policies so you know if things are happening as they should, and don’t be afraid to fight your corner

• Calm & collected - no matter how difficult things get, try and stay calm and respond professionally and politely. It will be hard but you’ll be able to hold your head up high no matter the outcome.

• Know your worth - there is a big difference between constructive criticism and tearing a person down. Take caution not to let the workplace diminish your self-worth.

• When to walk away - only you can know when you’ve reached this point but if it’s a possibility then start mapping out exit routes as options. The last thing you want is to feel desperately unhappy in a job and jump ship to something even worse because that’s the only choice you have.

• Support - lean on your network for advice, to get an outside opinion, and perhaps even help write your next job application. I remember one weekend where a great friend spent the whole weekend helping me write applications because I’d hit my limit and had no confidence in selling myself. The result? We wrote a brilliant set of applications that got me several interviews and a new job!

If you or someone you know are struggling with your mental health, reach out to whoever you feel most comfortable to speak to and ask for help. If you do what I do, scrolling endlessly through your phonebook worrying about burdening someone you care about, try to squash that thought if you can. Otherwise there are lots of helpful numbers you can call:

• Samaritans. To talk about anything that is upsetting you, you can contact Samaritans 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. You can call 116 123 (free from any phone), email jo@samaritans.org or visit some branches in person. You can also call the Samaritans Welsh Language Line on 0808 164 0123 (7pm–11pm every day).

• National Suicide Prevention Helpline UK. Offers a supportive listening service to anyone with thoughts of suicide. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Helpline UK on 0800 689 5652 (6pm to midnight every day).

• Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM). You can call the CALM on 0800 58 58 58 (5pm–midnight every day) if you are struggling and need to talk. Or if you prefer not to speak on the phone, you could try the CALM webchat service.

• Shout. If you would prefer not to talk but want some mental health support, you could text SHOUT to 85258. Shout offers a confidential 24/7 text service providing support if you are in crisis and need immediate help.

• Papyrus HOPELINEUK. If you're under 35 and struggling with suicidal feelings, or concerned about a young person who might be struggling, you can call Papyrus HOPELINEUK on 0800 068 4141 (24 hours, 7 days a week), email pat@papyrus-uk.org or text 07786 209 697.

• Nightline. If you're a student, you can look on the Nightline website to see if your university or college offers a night-time listening service. Nightline phone operators are all students too.

• Switchboard. If you identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, you can call Switchboard on 0300 330 0630 (10am–10pm every day), email chris@switchboard.lgbt or use their webchat service. Phone operators all identify as LGBT+.

Think of any given role you hold in life; professional or personal. How many times have you experienced or currently experience one of the following?

• Self-doubt

• Lack of confidence

• Low self-esteem

• Feeling like a fraud

• Feeling inadequate

• Avoiding recognising your competencies, achievements, or successes

• Fear of success

• Fear of failure

• Regularly comparing yourself to others

If you went along nodding your head, you’re not alone. Because all of these are typical experiences of imposter syndrome (IS).

A term that has become so common, it almost seems criminal if you don’t experience it and yet we all know it can be crippling and stop even the most competent individuals in their tracks.

So to start with, let’s tackle the language. A fellow coach, Julie Genney, rightly questioned how a phenomenon became a ‘syndrome’ in the first place. Imposter syndrome is not an illness, it is not a recognised diagnosis, and there is no recommended ‘treatment’, so why the need to attach medical terminology to something that is in fact such a normal experience? Why not in fact simply call it what it is? Self-doubt. And suddenly, just like that, it’s a lot less overwhelming.

In fact, the concept that always comes to mind for me is something called the ‘Zone of Proximal Development’ (ZPD). This theory suggests that progress comes from manageable jumps in learning and skill development but it is equally recognised that these jumps will stretch us and may induce a sense of fear. And so whether it’s our first taste of that weird looking broccoli that we really want to hate but actually it’s okay, realising it hurts to fall and learning to balance, or the first time we make a friend at school but we might say or do stupid things at first. Every bit of life in childhood is a leap of faith in ourselves to work it out from experience. Yet somehow, we seem to land in adult life suddenly terrified of the choices and situations we find ourselves in, wondering if we really have what it takes to work those out too.

So where does it come from? I have a few theories:

• The invisible journey: We’re living in a world focused on fast and instant results over the time, effort and mistakes it takes to reach success. A world that makes the 1% look like the 99%. As a result, there is a misconception that we must jump and jump perfectly each time as if we were born to do whatever challenge we take on in life - something that is simply not true.

• We’re great at telling ourselves stories: Ever heard of Wason’s confirmation bias? Peter Wason, a psychologist, demonstrated that we seek out and pay particular attention to information that supports our existing beliefs. So if you already planted that seed that ‘I can’t do it’, you’ll often keep paying attention to anything that supports that, even if there’s clear evidence you can. This also feeds into our choices of who we surround ourselves by and even the messages we pick up from news or social media.

• We’ve created a comparison monster: This speaks to both points above in that the online world has created an endless resource to compare ourselves against any number of high achievers. The result? A double edged sword. It is very easy to fall into the trap of feeling inadequate ourselves but also to perpetuate the cycle by thinking the people around you could always be better.

As much as one can analyse how self-doubt creeps in and the effects it has, it is of course important to recognise that there are ways to combat it. So here are just a few tips and tricks that you might find useful.

• Is it fear or is it excitement? Many of the thoughts and feelings we experience when doubting ourselves can easily be fear or excitement. The language we use frames the situation so it’s important to take pause and consider what words accurately describe our experience. It could be the difference between feeling like a failure or jumping forward confidently.

• Look for the evidence that ‘I can’. The phrase is often like a square-peg-round-hole situation. It just doesn’t come naturally but where our instinct is to say ‘I can’t’, it’s vital to take pause and look for the evidence that ‘I can’. A number of people I’ve worked with have said they can’t multi-task or organise themselves and yet when we pause to remember they are parents, suddenly it becomes clear that they in fact multi-task and organise both themselves and their family every single day.

• Surround yourself with support (in and out of work). People want to be with people but we always have a strong desire to be accepted by the people around us. If the people you surround yourself with encourage you, support you, strengthen you, it is almost inevitable you will feel more confident and able to take on bigger challenges without fear of failure.

Self-doubt is of course a huge topic but also highly personal so it is impossible to capture everything into such a short article. If this resonates, please share, post or email your thoughts, and feel free to get in touch if you’d like to talk about this more.

Let’s face it, the world of dating has turned from what could be a romantic tale to tell the grandkids to a sad story of swiping right and left.

Anyone who works with people knows you must pay attention to every aspect of a person, and yet as I reflect on my experience (therapeutically, managerially, or as a coach practitioner), I have never delved into focused work on someone’s romantic life. Perhaps it’s cultural influence or perceptions of what is “appropriate”, or simply my own hesitation to confront an incredibly personal topic.

Interestingly though, as a coach this is now a topic I am being asked to work on with clients and if someone hasn’t captured our hearts already then it certainly seems the topic alone has.

In 2022, 49.63% of adults (25.99 million people) in the UK reported feeling lonely occasionally, sometimes, often or always. Approximately 7.1% of people in Great Britain (3.83 million) experience chronic loneliness, meaning they feel lonely ‘often or always’. According to a global survey, about 33% of adults experienced feelings of loneliness worldwide.

Of course this is not to say that being single means you feel lonely, and in fact I myself have had many periods of being blissfully single. However feelings of loneliness clearly are on the rise and it is reasonable to assume that the lack of an intimate partner can contribute to this for many.

Human beings have an innate need to belong and we are social creatures by nature. However, the stories we grew up with of how people met and lived happily ever after simply aren’t (for most) the reality we live in, and a common theme I’m finding is that our own fear is stepping in the way of finding a partner to share our life with in any meaningful way.

I often think back to how my grandparents or even my parents met. Both were such romantic stories of chance encounters and yet for the past 5 years of my dating life, as well as many I know, the only viable way of meeting a potential partner has been online. And with the online world comes so many challenges; catfishing, ghosting, seemingly unlimited options, endless comparison, matching your online self to your real self. Are you put off yet?

It’s no wonder that so many want and need someone in their corner; to navigate this and feel confident to enter what can be a terrifying arena. As a coach, it is an area I feel equally cautious and excited to support.

So here I am; helping people be their best and most resilient selves as they take steps to try and meet someone. Not sure what you want from dating? How to approach it? Clarifying your boundaries? Or even, what your ideal first date would be? We can talk through it all and work out what’s best for you.

My sessions are tailor-made and most importantly, strictly confidential so you always know you’re in safe hands and whatever you tell me stays between us.

If you or someone you know is interested in dating coaching, feel free to drop me a line for a quick chat! 

Many people ask me why I decided to embark on qualifying and practicing as a coach. So here's my why.

In the words of Einstein, “everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” Throughout my life and career, I have always held a deep interest in understanding people; how they think, feel and navigate through life. I was born with the notion from doctors that I might not live past a few years, and that I might not be able to engage with the world “fully” due to risk of disability and cognitive issues, which led to my mother being offered a late-term abortion. Fortunately none of this happened, but an acute awareness of the way in which people and society can write someone off due to fixed preconceptions of valued existence has stuck with me. How someone can feel so out of place because another path was not made available for them to realise and enjoy their place in the world. Working in taboo areas such as addictions and mental health only heightened these feelings and I continuously found myself wanting to support others to find their way in what can be a very challenging society. However, working therapeutically in my early career simply felt too late as a point of support and time and time again, I would hear people’s stories and wonder why something hadn’t been in place sooner.

Discovering the ethos and practice of coaching felt like the answer I had been looking for and never really heard about; a means of helping yourself get the best from yourself whilst in a good state of mind. And so it felt natural to pursue this field as my professional qualification and devote my energies to getting the best from individuals rather than waiting to be of support after things go wrong. I believe it’s a form of support that should be part of the existing shift in healthcare to move from reactive to preventative work and be made commonly available, even more so than therapy is today.

Part of the theory that underpins this is both the learning curve and behavioural change model; demonstrating the capabilities of all of us to make changes if and when we choose to commit to them. I have confidence to recommend and offer coaching due to the foundations in evidence based practice, as well as the growing research base to quantify its value. Moreover, the underpinning of clear codes of ethics are aligned to a practice that recognises its impact and takes responsibility to ensure all qualified practitioners are held to a consistent standard. Ethical practice will always be of utmost importance to me in my career and I find it is a reassurance for my clients, and myself as a practitioner; to know there is accountability put upon coaches to act with integrity to deliver safe and effective services that complement rather than conflict with neighbouring professions.

Reflecting on my overall experience, I have seen my capabilities to form strong coach-coachee relationships, manage boundaries, present challenge at differing levels, and enable insight, grow with skillful application depending on who is in front of me. The biggest surprise of all is that I have reconnected with my creativity to blend and adapt exercises; to generate impactful sessions for my clients but also to help me realise my own potential as a coach. So in summary, at its core, my practice stems from my innate belief in the potential of people and not only that change is possible but that it is inevitable. If I exist because someone believed in my potential no matter what, I’d be proud to spend my time passing that same sentiment on to others.